Goats R Delicious
Choo Parr Bio

Choo Parr is a sarcastic and offensive Chupacabra hiding in plain sight from the stupid humans at the über-liberal Openly Aggressive University. As a history professor, he terrorizes his stupid human pupils with sadistic glee.

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Theodora Bio

Theodora is the vindictive and saucy secretary to Dean Susie at the über-liberal Openly Aggressive University. She alone among the staff, because of her politically incorrectness, recognizes Secret Monsters have infiltrated the university.

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Guy D'Feet Bio

Guy D'Feet is a large, yet totally inept rodent whose mission in life is to rid the world of the human infestation. He is currently hiding in plain sight as a history professor at the über-liberal Openly Aggressive University.

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Dean Susie Bio

Dean Susie is the head of the über-liberal Openly Aggressive University's history department. She is the self-appointed beacon of fanatical political correctness at OAU, clouding her eyes against the existence of Choo Parr and Guy D'Feet.

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Dr. Choo Parr El Terrible, OML

Dr. Choo Parr is your typical authentic Chupacabra. He uses the term "authentic" because of the misinformation presented to the human community by the Organization of Secret Monsters regarding Chupacabras in general. Choo Parr recognizes the need to mislead humans' perception on his species to maintain their secrecy. However, to insinuate Chupacabras are essentially mangy dogs or coyotes is an insult to the highest degree.

The respectable Dr. Choo Parr would like, if allowed, to point out he and his kind are indeed green. He is immensely proud of his particularly long, muscularly and rather attractive tail. His beautifully proportioned red menacing eyes bewitchingly compliment his symmetrical fangs. While his large shapely thighs give him the necessary agility and speed needed when confined to the ground. Sadly, Dr. Choo Parr, has been forced to conceal his wings under his trench coat. It is believed even a stupid human could not ignore a Monster's wings.

In addition to their superior intelligence (especially when compared to humans), Chupacabras are noted within the Secret Monster community for their incredible strength, fierce nature, strange and sadistic wit, fondness of inflicting pain and misery (primarily upon stupid humans), and solitary nature. The fundamental basis for a Chupacabra's life are instincts. It is incomprehensible for Choo Parr that any species could survive without following their basic instincts. As one can see based on their name, Chupacabras (goat suckers), survive mostly on goat's blood. Goat's blood is much more than nourishment, it is a way of life. Their entire culture revolves around this delectable and nutritious liquid. In general Chupacabras can survive on most animals' blood however, they have varying and discerning taste buds. Choo Parr is a noted coinsure and award winning expert of this delectable liquid.

As one can see based on their name, Chupacabras (goat suckers), survive mostly on goat's blood. Goat's blood is much more than nourishment, it is a way of life. Their entire culture revolves around this delectable and nutritious liquid. In general Chupacabras can survive on most animals' blood however, they have varying and discerning taste buds. Choo Parr is a noted coinsure and award winning expert of this delectable liquid.

View on Humans

Humans are commonly referred to as "stupid" by Chupacabras and Secret Monsters in general. They are completely repulsive and are to be avoided at all times. In Choo Parr's mind, touching stupid humans is a fate worse than death.

For the majestic Chupacabras, stupid humans are a gaping anomaly continuously taunting their very existence. They are, to put it bluntly, an evolutionary mistake. In their minds insanely good luck allowed an inferior species to climb to the top of the Pyramid of Dominance. In fact, there is no conceivable reason why stupid humans should preside over Monsterkind . What great cosmic burp happened to bring such a disgrace upon Chupacabras and their fellow monster? The greatest Secret Monster minds throughout history have been perplexed by this very question.

Views on Human Offspring

As one can imagine, stupid human "offspring" are completely repugnant to a Chupacabra. They are consider to be whinny, smelly, unprepared, ungrateful, needy and completely useless. It is absolutely incomprehensible to Choo Parr how any species would not teach their young basic survival instincts and yet, these unprepared beings are to hold dominance over Monsterkind. All of this fuels a deep seeded loathing among Choo Parr and all his brethren toward stupid human offspring.

Who Exactly is Choo Parr?

Dr. Choo Parr El Terrible is a 154 year old male Chupacabra who is hiding in plain sight at the extremely liberal Openly Aggressive University as a history professor. Here, in the epicenter of political correctness, The Great Choo Parr is able to hide openly for the humans would not dare to ask if he was a Chupacabra. The farce is so great, Choo Parr immediately received tenure as an OAU professor of General History.

Hobbies:

  • i. Threatening stupid human students.
  • ii. Making stupid human students scream.
  • iii. Insulting stupid humans.
  • iv. Brainwashing stupid humans' spawn.
  • v. Studying the stupidity of stupid humans.
  • vi. Looking through windows of flying airplanes and scaring the stupid human passengers.
  • vii. Taste testing the various types of blood found in the world.
  • viii. Maintaining a large blood cellar.
  • ix. Expert goat behaviorist.
  • x. Writing.
  • xi. Stupid human tipping.
  • xii. Swooping.
  • xiii. Gliding.
  • xiv. Playing cards.
  • xv. Impressionistic paintings.
  • xvi. Gothic architecture.
  • xvii. Alfred Hitchcock movies (although he thinks they are comedies).
  • xviii. The Three Stooges.
  • xix. Hummingbird watching.

Theodora Agrippina Defarge Nocent:

Little is known about Theodora's earliest years. Her birth date was removed from her birth certificate through an executive order issued by JFK. However, it is rumored her mother was a well-known bootlegger and rum-runner on the East Coast and according to legend, her father disappeared before her birth somewhere over the Hudson River. It was during Theodora's first couple of years as she grew up with her maternal great-grandmother, a notorious arms dealer, her basic characteristics of cruel sarcastic nastiness developed.

Any direct evidence Theodora attended college is disputed, but it is known she attended the School Of Future Malevolent Secretaries For Dictators located somewhere in Western Africa. There she became an expert in the Atlatl, bare-knuckle boxing, buffalo herding, basic manipulation, sarcasm and typing.

Unfortunately for Theodora, democracy broke out in many of the nations she applied for future employment. In the end, she ended up as the secretary of OAU's department of history. She has been there for thirty-two years.

Theodora has been widowed nine times. None of her marriages have last over three weeks. As far as anyone knows, no one has claimed her as their mother.

Unlike her boss, Dean Susie, she is keenly aware of the goings on within OAU. She alone recognizes the truth about Choo Parr and Guy D'Feet and relishes every moment of discomfort she can inflicts upon her so-called colleagues.. Theodora's brutality, dexterity, strength, cunning and downright meanness makes a worthy advisory for OAU's Chupacabra and incompetent rodent. Dean Susie, on the other hand, remains blissfully oblivious to her secretary's sharp tongue.

Dr. Guy D'Feet:

Guy D'Feet is a 26 inch tall Rodent (they refer to themselves as Holy Rodents) who is currently a professor of history at Openly Aggressive University. His field of expertise is the History of Biological Diseases and Chemical Warfare Against the Human Species. He has tenure.

Dr. D'Feet's goal , like his fellow Holy Rodents, is to eradicate the scourge known as "the humans" and re-establish the supremacy of the Rattus. After all, humans achieved their supremacy due to some evolutionary mistake (called The Great Fluke) dating back to the primordial ooze. Unfortunately, Holy Rodents are incredibly inept at carrying out their various schemes. The ingenuity is there, the execution is not (or could one say common sense). He is, alas, like all of his kind, resigned to failure, but eternally optimistic with a with a deep seeded genetic belief his newest scheme will work.

As part of his long incompetent and convoluted plan for the demise of the humans, the well educated Dr. D'Feet has managed to get himself hired by the extremely liberal Openly Aggressive University. Here, in the epicenter of political correctness, Dr. D'Feet is able to hide openly for the humans would not dare to ask if he was a Rodent.

Guy D'Feet was born on March 21, 1928 in the Holy Rodent City of Constantine under the human city of Paris, France. He is a direct descendant of Saint Guillaume D'Feet Le Gran who died of grief after the failure of the Black Plague. He has been a member of The Failed Society of Holy Rodents (FIZZLE) since his awakening in 1971.

Never call a Holy Rodent a "rat." It is very mean-spirited.

His hobbies include:

  • Scattering chum in ocean resort swimming areas.
  • Mixing poisonous chemicals.
  • Bow hunting house cats.
  • Raising fleas.
  • De-activating airbags.
  • Flower arranging.
  • Memorizing the Periodic Table.
  • Avid card player and is Nick's, a Nagumwasuck, bridge partner.
  • Member of The Organization For the Proliferation of Nuclear Weapons or KABOOM.
  • Member of the Washington D.C. think tank, The Economic Benefits of Toxic Waste and Pesticides.
  • Member of The Council of Holy Rodent For the Promotion of Mining the Moon For Cheese (CHRFPMMFC).

Author of the following books:

  • Infectious Disease Can Be Fun (1962).
  • The Influenza Epidemic of 1918: Why It Failed (1967).
  • Why Clean Water Is Bad For Humans (1971).
  • The Mosquito: The Unsung Hero of the Millennium(1974).
  • Pesticides: The Victims Of Misinformation (1978).
  • The Hidden Treasure of the Periodic Table (1982).
  • Funny Antidotes and Tales About Arsenic (1985).
  • Analyzing England's Sixteenth Century Sweating Sickness: Was it Really So Bad? (1990).
  • Scientist Have It Wrong! Carcinogens Promote Well-Being (1992).
  • Man-Made Chemicals And Food: The Perfect Combination (1994).
  • The History of The Black Plague: From the Prospective of the Rodent:
    • Vol II: Swath of Destruction(2003).
    • Vol III: Do Not Forget Scandinavia (2005).
    • Vol IV: Man's Feeble Response (2007).
    • Vol V: The Rodents Behind the Mayhem (2009).
    • Vol VI: Collection of Humorous Stories and Antidotes During the Black Death (2010).

Dean Susie Dahlia Ptydepe:

Dean Susie was born on June 12, 1965 in Nebraska. Never in want as she grew up, her father was a venture capitalist and her mother a bank executive, the future academic had a carefree and idyllic childhood.

However, as the young Susie grew into her teens, she was constantly barraged by the elites of society touting the glory of the sixties. A deep sense of resentment at being born too late began to brew. Destiny had excluded her from participating in an historically momentous time in U.S. history. She felt left behind, knowing deep in her heart (well the participants in sixties told her so) no future generation would be able to reach such glorious heights again.

Upon entering Openly Aggressive University at the age of 18, Susie found her kindred community. A place which would mold her character and views for the rest of her life. For the next seven years she determinedly pursued a PhD in History. Luckily Susie never had to work outside OAU do to the wealth of her parents . This blessing allowed her to devote all of her free time to community organizing and generic professional protesting.

Susie's main field of concentration revolved around the role of Victorian Cutlery in the suppression of women. This PhD candidate wowed the academic community with her doctorial thesis The Oyster Fork: The Servitude of Women. Needless to say, she rocked the academic Left to its very core becoming the guiding light for the militant über Anti-Fork feminist movement.

Dr. Ptydepe is currently the Dean of History at OAU. Her goal is simple, to mold young minds into the correct way of thinking. All fades, language censorship and guilt laden manipulation should be utilized. If you don't agree with Dean Susie, well, in her mind it is not your fault, you are just ignorant and must be led to the light by the societal elite, that is people like her.

However, it should be noted, Dean Susie is a kind soul. Hugging, to her, transcends all the nastiness of conservative values. But, infused within her persona is a total ambivalence toward what others say and only hears what she thinks everyone, in a just and equal society, should adhere.

On the weekends, one can usually see Dean Susie leading a march on the Registrar's Office at the head of OAU Occupy Wall Street Movement. She is the one tearfully wearing the sign "Please Forgive Me for Being of the 1%." Dean Susie calls this her "penance."

She goes by Dean Susie instead of Dr. Ptydepe because it is less oppressive on her students.

It should be noted., she has renounced all familial linkage to her upper-class family (although she readily collects the interest and dividends from her deceased parents' estate).